TheForceOfDao

Category: Adventure & Exploration

  • “Aren’t You Just Running Away From Your Problems?”, and Other Disturbing Beliefs.

    “Aren’t You Just Running Away From Your Problems?”, and Other Disturbing Beliefs.

    I want to do a short series on “those” sayings, the ones that have you doubting your next move and questioning your own agency. The “moving country won’t solve your problems”, “you have to pick a side otherwise you’re supporting the oppressors”, or, “she pushed me away”, or a ironically toxic belief, “he/she is so toxic, I should cut them out of my life”.

    I want to start off the series with a particular stickler for some, “moving country won’t solve your problems – you’re just running away”. One that has been a pain point for me at times in the past.

    If you’ve ever believed that thought, how does it leave you feeling?

    I know for myself if I think back to a situation where I considered moving country and I believed that thought, I would break out in a nervous panic so afraid that I was getting life “so wrong”. How was it that others were seeing that I was avoiding my problems whereas I was seeing that I was trying to save myself – how could I be so mistaken? Why was I not allowed to save myself? I began to doubt my entire way of Being, how could I now trust myself in anything?

    What ended up happening was that I became stuck in a limbo, unable to take action, so afraid that others would now judge me to be someone who couldn’t face difficulties in their life. Not only that but I wanted people to admire that I was someone who faced difficulties head on and didn’t “give up” (that will be a belief to investigate at another time).

    It was too shameful to leave.

    I developed anger towards myself for being in the situation I was in and not being able to escape it. The anger actually a deep fear of never being able to leave – I created my own prison cell without realising it, stuck in a shadowland.

    The belief didn’t serve me, all it offered was stress. I can see that by believing it I was avoiding taking responsibility for my life. Not in a way that was conscious but in a way that taking a stand for myself and to buck the trend was too scary to even comprehend. If I first checked with others, whether that be with people in person, or seeking advice online, I presumed they knew better than I. I put down my own intuition and experience in favour of those who had never spent a day in my shoes. I truly believed they were right and that everything within me was inherently wrong.

    It became an internal battle of debating the pros and cons and I could feel a wall of worry build up that action needed to be taken but I was stuck in analysis paralysis. Thinking, thinking, thinking.

    Much has changed since those days. I took up a Buddhist practice, meditation and “The Work”, and with it more awareness now surrounds the stories whirling through the mind as it attempts to understand, and bring meaning to the world.

    Bringing awareness to stressful thoughts allows me to see more clearly how I interact with the world through that belief. I’m not interested in changing how I behave so much as simply being aware of what’s going on, waking up to the dream.

    If I put myself back in that past situation and just consider who I would be without the thought that “moving countries won’t solve my problems”, I am back to trusting the direction that I am headed, to trusting myself and noticing what feels intuitively “right” for me in that moment. I feel a little more confident that I can trust that the situation I am in is not serving me, not nourishing my growth or enabling a peaceful state of mind.

    I don’t feel anxious about being judged by others for moving. Their judgement is only based on their perspective of my situation, of which they will never have the full story. Rather than being in the business of others, trying to work out if they approve of me or not and behaving in a way that I think will make my actions worthy of appraisal, I’m back in my business – the only place where I can ever feel peace and joy. I can choose to welcome other’s judgement of my actions as a point of self-reflection and, I can also use their judgement as a way of strengthening my own resolve and trust in my intuition. It’s very likely that someone judging another as “moving on and running away from their problems” is struggling with the same beliefs in their own life and is deserving of compassion as much as myself.

    I don’t feel a fear of what comes next and there is no longer a weighing up on the pros and cons in an attempt to guess at the future and whether it will be a successful venture. Nor is there a fear of the move not working out – I feel more at ease moving to the beat and rhythm of life.

    “Moving Country Will Solve Your Problems”

    It’s worth turning around the original statement and seeing if it’s as true as, or truer than the original belief.

    Feel free to take a pause here and see what examples come up for you where, “moving country will solve your problems”.

    I can see that the situation I was in had worn me down – I was depressed, lonely and there was no spark of joy residing in my heart, I was leading a robotic, unaware life. Therefore, a change, a move to a new country could provide new opportunities, enabling me to discover what I’m truly interested in, it could open up the social pool to potentially connect with more like-minded people, as well as potentially leaving me feeling more connected to myself. Moving to a new country would most certainly lead to personal and spiritual growth, something that had actually stagnated in the situation I had been in.

    Putting myself in a new environment could be like taking a stunted plant lacking in vitality and putting it in soil, rich in fertiliser and moving it out of the shade and into the sun. Sometimes all that’s needed is space, time and a fresh perspective.

    Living a good, wholesome life does not mean one must remain in a fixed situation for a lifetime – it’s about being adaptable and learning to hear the voice of the heart, of intuition. As with all things, it becomes weaker with a lack of practice, yet with dedication one can start putting a little more trust into what life calls us to do. Perhaps first with judgement and then eventually, with enthusiasm, joy and a profound trust in life.

    “You aren’t running away from your problems”

    There is another turn around to investigate here for, “you are running away [from your problems]”. It can be turned around to, “you are running towards your problems”, or, “you aren’t running away from your problems”. I will leave that one for you to question and see what arises for you from inquiry.

    If you do choose to take me up on the offer, just remember that you are investigating your own experiences and truth, not that of others.

    Thank you for reading!

  • What is “Project : JourneyHome”?

    What is “Project : JourneyHome”?

    At its core, Project: JourneyHome is my way of documenting the process of finding my way back to myself at time of much uncertainty. It began as a quest for a literal home—a destination at the end of a voyage, much like the hero’s journey. But, as with any true journey, I’ve come to see that the external only mirrors the internal.

    Within us all is a calling, one that many of us cannot hear. Some people hear these in childhood, and for others, they come later in life. It’s not something that the mind can decide, it’s a matter for the heart.

    Age is certainly a relevant factor in wanting to settle down, yet for each of us, this process is unique—a different calling, a different path. To me, this project is about recognizing that we all carry these callings, sometimes tucked deep within not having been heard in a long time. It’s about learning to stop, to let the mud of the mind settle until the water clears, revealing what’s true for us. When we think too much, emotions churn, and the noise of the mind drowns out the stillness required to hear our hearts.

    We convince ourselves, and others that purpose is something to be chased with thought, but I’ve found it’s not the mind’s job to uncover it. Instead, it’s in the quiet—in the presence—that purpose whispers. This takes practice, a skill we’re all capable of and were in touch with as children.

    The home I seek outside only takes shape after the one within is at peace.

    Within us all lies a need to feel accepted, to be at peace in our own lives. Symbolically, the home reflects this: a place of safety, nourishment, and family, where we cultivate our hearts to love those closest to us—and then the world beyond.

    My Process

    Where do I begin? How far back do I go to show you where I stand now and how I’ve come to see life? For me, it’s only recently that I realized I’ve had a dream all along. As a teenager and young adult, I suffered from not knowing what I wanted, believing I didn’t have a dream. Without a dream, my life lacked direction and purpose. My mind spun endlessly, trying to figure out what I should be doing. Nothing seemed to fit. I saw others walking their paths—leaving university for jobs, traditional careers, digital nomadism, freelancing, entrepreneurship, infleuncers… I don’t dismiss these roads; they’re all valid, all needed. But my heart doesn’t sing.

    Then, something shifted recently. I can’t pinpoint exactly when, but I remembered a childhood dream: to live in Africa. Growing up, I’d heard stories from relatives who’d been there, watched films like Born Free that set my heart ablaze. Every Christmas and birthday, I begged my mum for a lion cub. Of course, I was disappointed each time she didn’t deliver—though I can’t blame her for not producing a wild animal! At some point, that dream faded. I don’t recall being talked out of it; it wasn’t that overt. Instead, I think society’s conditioning—school, the push toward university, jobs, and city life—funneled me into believing Africa was for “special” people, other people, not me. I never questioned why I couldn’t go; the belief just settled in, a quiet limitation I didn’t see.

    Recently, though, it dawned on me: that dream never fully disappeared. For nearly five years, I’ve been exploring my mind, drawing from Buddhist teachings about desire—how it can overtake us, how we refine it to know what’s true. There’s a difference, I’ve learned, between a fleeting craving and a deep calling. A desire—like wanting ice cream and then sulking when the shop’s closed—is impatient, overpowering, blind, it draws us into suffering. But a childhood dream? That’s gentler. It arises again and again, patiently calling out to be fulfilled. Some might call it God’s voice, the universe’s nudge, or a purpose etched into our DNA. Every cell feels drawn to it. Ignore it, and it’ll return—sometimes loud, sometimes soft. I’m learning to come to trust these callings. I don’t overthink them so much anymore—why this one? Will it succeed? Is it needed? All I know is there’s a loose end to tie up, and when it’s done, the mind lets go. I don’t even know when the mind will let go, it’s always mystery and it’s none of my concern.

    Rediscovering the Dream

    This dream—to go to Africa—isn’t about fame or fortune. It’s about listening to the inner child who’s been whispering all along, thrilled that I’ve finally heard her. “Yay, thank you!” she says. It’s taken a long journey to reach this point, shaped by moments I’ll share as this unfolds. Some people know their dream early and pursue it; others, like me may have buried it, dismissed it as childish, put it off, or forgetten it entirely. And that’s okay—there’s no one right way, sometimes many other lilfe circrumstances need to fall into place first before we’re ready. What matters is we don’t compare our paths. Each of us has unique lessons, a personal combination to unlock our hearts.

    This is where Project: JourneyHome begins. If you’re curious to see how it unfolds, sign up for my latest posts. Through this, I hope to inspire you to listen to your own heart’s calling—whether you’re young or old, rich or broke, shaped by joy or struggle. We all have a childhood dream we can still chase. Let’s find it together.

  • Rediscovering Identity: A Journey Beyond Doing

    I am not what I’m thinking, I am who I’m being. A human being, not a human doing.

    It is coming up to 6 months now since I left England to spend time with my mum in Thailand.  I had felt increasingly that I was becoming more and more disconnected from myself as I buried myself deeper and deeper into doing more and more, feeling that I was trapped on a fast paced treadmill taking me further away from knowing who I am.

    I had decided several months before my departure date that I would leave and worked and saved hard to allow myself enough financial reserves to take an extended time out from working.  My aim was to join my mum in a peaceful area of Northern Thailand and reconnect with myself to figure out who is Emily.

    My decision was not precipitated by any calamitous event, if anything, looking through the eyes of traditional “success” I was well on my way.  I had a loving partner, I was spearheading my own project at work and was slowly but surely growing my private Personal Training business. Yet there was a continuous nagging feeling that this wasn’t the right path for me.  Despite these “advances”, I was feeling more than ever that  I could not decipher who I was as a person.  My days endlessly looped around hours of work, training, binge watching Netflix and gardening; my mind constantly chattering about how to “improve” my situation amid feeling a deep sense of lack.  I found my mindset hardening as I increasingly used logic to solve my way out of my situations (useful when dealing with logical situations such as how to get my bike started when the battery is flat, not often the case when trying to navigate the vagaries of life).  In addition to this I was dogged by dreams of sitting at airports waiting for a flight to take me away.  Plagued by doubt as to whether I should listen to my dreams and whether leaving was the right thing to do, I spontaneously purchased a plane ticket to Thailand. Sharing the news with Kelly was difficult, a communications event I messed up, and yet she only became my strongest supporter as I prepared my departure.

    With hindsight, my departure from the UK coincidentally coincided with the rise of Covid-19 and had I left it any longer, I would have missed the opportunity of being here.  My focus when I first arrived out here involved having a routine of physical activity, massages to eliminate excess tension in my body and to help heal a motorbiking accident, a strict eating regime (no grains or coffee!) and to figure myself out, all at once.  I was still carrying the adrenaline charged, iron-fisted, dopamine-addicted tendencies from my recent lifestyle and I did battle with the new influences of meditation and Buddhist and Taoist teachings that my mum brought to the table.  There was conflict not only externally but internally too and on any given day it would either be the routinely physical mindset dominating or the mindless meditation attempting to push the reset button.  Over time though I felt myself dropping more of the ideas and beliefs I had about myself and a small glimmer of who Emily is has started shinning through.

    I was not my likes or dislikes, I was not my jobs (past, present or future), I was not my fashion sense, my genetic inheritance, my failures or triumphs, I was not my thoughts, I was not my emotions.  Instead what I realised was that I am responsible for dropping all these notions of who I think I am and instead need to learn to live at one with nature and humanity in a way that promotes sustainability and yes, love.