Overcoming the Inner Critic: Finding Peace with ‘No-Mind’

Do you feel as though you should always be doing more, or something different? That you should be better? That you can’t quite find the formula to make your life a success?

This has been me for the majority of my life and I’m certain you are no stranger to it either, the inner critic. The monkey mind. The ego. An all so common human condition that leads to a circular and continuous state of suffering. This isn’t exactly reassuring to know if you believe this is the only way to exist, bouncing from one state of doubt and worry to another but what if I told you that this mind-state could be considered abnormal, that it isn’t the state of mind that the mind really wants to abide in. My journey over the last year and a half has introduced an entirely new concept to me, the concept of “no-mind” where doubts and worries are softly let go and a peace and calm descends over your very being allowing you to move through life with fluidity and ease.

After I left university (an experience that baffled me from start to finish), I had concepts of what would happen next. With a little bit of effort, but not too much, I would find a decent paying job, certainly above minimum wage, I would live somewhere I liked (quiet area with a small garden and dry walls) and have enough money left over each month to be able to afford a car and replace my ageing clothes every now and then. My aspirations weren’t wild.

What I found to happen instead, was a far cry from my expectations.

I ended up travelling around the world for a couple of years as I couldn’t find a job in my field of study and I found living in the UK to be as baffling as the university degree that I took in it. Whilst travelling around the world is rarely viewed as a negative experience, a lot of this time was spent in fear and obsessive thought, thinking what on this blue-and-green Earth was I doing and shouldn’t I really be getting a “proper” job? A lot of the beauty of the moment was lost on me and many of my choices were based on “shoulds and shouldn’ts”. This mind-state eventually brought me back to the UK, where struggling to know what job to now pursue I ended up retraining in the fitness industry, scraping by on a minimum wage, working two jobs and being bled dry by the costs of rent and a car. This was a challenging time as I relied upon the support of family, friends and family friends to get by. There wasn’t any feeling of being a successful, independent adult when I was so heavily reliant on others propping me up and left me in almost constant state of confusion and anger.

During this period I tried to control all parts of my life through mental proliferation, where mental proliferation is the process of getting carried away with your thoughts, leading to the creation of more thoughts, more worries, more doubts and a world of suffering. Mental proliferation of the mind focuses on what has happened in the past and what may happen in the future, yet, the one place it cannot exist in is the present moment; the silver bullet to needless suffering. Now, at the time of university, subsequent global travelling and job working in the UK, I had no concept of my mind being the problem; it was my problem solver that got me out of trouble and into jobs. Right?

The world is infinitely complex and beyond our capacity to measure and map-out, it is thus impossible to control. The Daosists have a name for this web of inter-relationships, they call it the Dao. My explanation in itself misses the point as the Dao is, indescribable. A great ancient sage by the name of Lao Tzu famously wrote the Dao De Ching that beautifully puts into words the relationship we have with the Dao, being of the Dao itself, and acts as a framework for how we approach our lives and environment. In particular I was struck by Wu-Wei, a practice of “non-doing” of taking a step back and being more aware in the present moment, of not actively pursuing decision-making.

These concepts are beautiful to read and listen to and feel reassuring, whilst having a depth of ancient wisdom that touches you profoundly. What I found though with having discovered this information was that it still remained very much a mental proliferation, and did little to stop me analysing my life choices. If I was to follow in this practice of Wu-Wei (non-doing) then what was I supposed to be doing?! Perhaps you can see my dilemma.

I was stuck in theoretical Daoism.

That was, until I was introduced to the Buddha’s reflections on the workings of the mind. Now, until recently I hadn’t any interest in Buddhism, I considered it be the “philosophical religion” and didn’t see how it had any particular value or relevance in my life when I was so focused on my work and making ends meet. I had certainly read many a misplaced and out-of-context quote of the Buddha which may have superficially resonated with me but didn’t light a spark to follow it any further. What I have since come to understand is that the teachings of the Buddha are the most well understood teachings of the workings of the mind, that on discovery of these teachings I have been baffled as to why modern psychology exists at all.

The Buddha illustrates through stories and lists why the mind behaves the way it does (such as the mental proliferation of desire; making choices because you desire something and you want it and making choices because you desire to get away from something you dislike) and what the different results are based on how you approach a situation. However this approach is not analytical such as the way in Western Psychology, instead I see it more as a reprogramming, a reconditioning based on the Four Noble Truths and the Eight Precepts and so on that sets you on the path towards enlightenment and the end of suffering. These teachings help develop wisdom and the ability to reflect on the workings of your mind whereby you are no longer plagued by doubts, desires, hatred and more.

There is a trap here too however, just as in theoretical Daoism you can become stuck in theoretical Buddhism, which is why I was also taught the practical mind skills too, otherwise known as meditation. I’m not so sure that meditation compliments the Buddha’s understanding of the mind as much as it is the practice of the Buddha’s understanding of the mind. To forgo meditation in the belief that simply reading the written word will help you does not lead to the life-changing insight that is possible. Meditation is immeasurable despite what some technology groups may be trying to achieve today. I have heard people talk about entering into Jhana states and Buddhist monks who can meditate for hours or days at a time, yet meditation cannot be measured in terms of success by the experiences you have as much as how much you have let go in day-to-day life. My meditation practice has been far more basic, I typically sit for 30 minutes with nothing otherworldly happen, yet I do find myself enter into a more peaceful state where mental proliferation dies down and those immediate, loud thoughts slowly soften and dissolve.

This regular practice has been enough to slowly drop the notions of being a somebody that strives to make something of themselves in the world and to quieten the inner dialogue. This is turn drops the ideas of “I should be doing this or that”, “I should be here or there”, “will people still like me if I do this or that”, “I need to go out and save the world, but how?!” and has brought me closer to a state of Wu-Wei that I had previously tried to access through the thinking mind.

In time, this has led me to pursue awareness in the present moment above all else. Awareness itself does not hold as much theoretical or literary prowess, it’s not as exhilarating to read or hear about, yet, it has been the most powerful transformational tool I have encountered to date and can be harnessed and refined further through meditation.

I have found that when I am in this present moment, my mental proliferation subsides or simply doesn’t exist. I note that the present feels like “this” and this liberates me from the notion that there is any path to follow other than my own.

And that’s all there seems to me to be.