How Conceited of Me!

This article came about because I felt stressed. I was wanting to create a new social media post and caught myself in a state of believing I needed to be both motivational and wise for you, my audience, and found myself lacking in both insight and wisdom.

It’s the first time I’ve paid attention to the thought, “I need to motivate my audience,” and I thought, “Hell, let’s question it and stick it in the blog.”

My social media feed is mostly made up of content of the likes of Byron Katie, Bashar, Eckhart Tolle and so on. These are people I view as having had “awakening” experiences and the wherewithal to share their wisdom in profoundly simple ways. Reading their content gives me pause to reflect and typically imbues me with a deep peace and acceptance of what is.

So it finally came to my attention the other day that I have been wanting to instill the same in my meagre following, and that such a belief really stresses me out (perhaps you’ve experienced something similar with wanting to impart something on others). I notice I’m left feeling the weight of comparison between myself and those “masters”, viewing my insights as somewhat lacking, chalking it up to having not been labelled “awakened” or “wise”. Whatever words that do come to mind feel somehow childish. I become confused about whether what I’m saying has any inherent meaning. It becomes a case of trying too hard. The thoughts are now convoluted, and any sense of clarity has muddied over. I give up trying to write anything and resign myself to not being “wise enough” – a thought that extends far off into the infinite future. I write off my own experiences and dismiss their importance in the world.

Now, if I pause for a moment and consider who I would be without the thought “I need to motivate you all”, my life suddenly gets a lot more peaceful. I find I can share with the world what I genuinely wish to share – what interests me, without believing I need to manipulate you all into being motivated when you see my posts. It’s interesting how synonymous “motivate” and “manipulate” are when our intention is unclear. There’s a wanting to instill in you the same sense of peace and deep understanding that I experience when I read “wise” posts, however, I notice my intention is not so that you suffer less; it’s so that you see me as “wise”.

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Before I continue on, it would be wise (!) of me to share with you that this article is based upon the insight practice of Byron Katie’s “The Work”. The Work is a way of questioning beliefs that cause us suffering in our lives, and at its core is a meditative practice. It’s a way of bringing more awareness into our lives and waking up to the thoughts that we have been blind to, that have kept us in a state of suffering.

It’s a simple method and something I can go into greater detail in future articles. It goes something like this :

Step 1 : Identify a thought or belief that is causing you stress in a specific moment. Write it down in the format:

I am [emotion] with [person] because [reason for emotional hurt].

e.g I am upset with him because he doesn’t respect me.

Step 2 : Ask the following four questions about the stressful thought and turn the thought around, like so:

1. Is it true? (yes/no – if “yes” proceed to question 2, if “no” proceed to question 3)
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (yes/no)
3. How do you react, what do you think, say or do, when you believe the thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

The turnarounds are a way of questioning if the opposite is true or truer than the original statement. If I use the stressful belief in this article as an example, “I need to motivate people,” and turn it around, I can find three opposites:

1. I need to motivate me.
2. I don’t need to motivate people.
3. They/people need to motivate people.

For each of the turnarounds you look for examples as to why it may be true or truer than the original statement. Sometimes the turnarounds don’t make sense and it’s okay to disregard them.

If you want to learn more about this method you can go directly to Byron Katie’s website.

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I don’t need to motivate any one of you, and you will all still manage to live your lives perfectly.

So, going back to me needing to motivate you all, how’s that going for you!?

I notice that the only person that I can ever motivate is myself. Even if it’s reading or listening to someone else’s words, it’s still me who’s motivating me by hearing them. That’s down to what I focus my mind on and the qualities of mind I wish to cultivate. I could listen to a basketball coach giving the motivational speech of his life, but as someone who doesn’t play, it won’t arouse my mind. However, listening to Byron Katie talking about how questioning our beliefs can wake us up to our self-inflicted suffering puts my mind in a state of heightened awareness and motivates me to identify where I suffer.

Therefore, if it’s impossible for anyone/thing to motivate me, there is not a single person in this universe that I can motivate, and gosh, that feels like such a relief. I can recall the stress of wanting to motivate my co-workers and being met with frustration when they wouldn’t rise to the challenge of performing with my idea of excellence. As I see it now with greater awareness, the last thing I want is an audience that is dependent on me for motivation, for whom I could end up taking responsibility. Every single one of us, without exception, carries the wisdom within, and the greatest of teachers always point that wisdom back to us like a mirror.

At this point, I wonder what on Earth I was signing myself up for, believing that I wanted to motivate you. Of course, these beliefs are not chosen; they are conditioned, and it’s amazing that these seeds can be planted and watered long before we have any awareness of them. They grow quietly in the dark, fed by habit, getting louder, until one day, sometimes for no particular reason at all, you shine the light on the belief, making friends with it. You recognise you hadn’t been in touch with reality whenever you had believed that thought and instead had told yourself some story to validate your suffering.

Questioning the need to motivate you all leaves me with the freedom to express myself without needing to be “wise” in your eyes.

In fact, I’m likelier to be happier Being the “fool”.