I want to do a short series on “those” sayings, the ones that have you doubting your next move and questioning your own agency. The “moving country won’t solve your problems”, “you have to pick a side otherwise you’re supporting the oppressors”, or, “she pushed me away”, or a ironically toxic belief, “he/she is so toxic, I should cut them out of my life”.
I want to start off the series with a particular stickler for some, “moving country won’t solve your problems – you’re just running away”. One that has been a pain point for me at times in the past.
If you’ve ever believed that thought, how does it leave you feeling?
I know for myself if I think back to a situation where I considered moving country and I believed that thought, I would break out in a nervous panic so afraid that I was getting life “so wrong”. How was it that others were seeing that I was avoiding my problems whereas I was seeing that I was trying to save myself – how could I be so mistaken? Why was I not allowed to save myself? I began to doubt my entire way of Being, how could I now trust myself in anything?
What ended up happening was that I became stuck in a limbo, unable to take action, so afraid that others would now judge me to be someone who couldn’t face difficulties in their life. Not only that but I wanted people to admire that I was someone who faced difficulties head on and didn’t “give up” (that will be a belief to investigate at another time).
It was too shameful to leave.
I developed anger towards myself for being in the situation I was in and not being able to escape it. The anger actually a deep fear of never being able to leave – I created my own prison cell without realising it, stuck in a shadowland.
The belief didn’t serve me, all it offered was stress. I can see that by believing it I was avoiding taking responsibility for my life. Not in a way that was conscious but in a way that taking a stand for myself and to buck the trend was too scary to even comprehend. If I first checked with others, whether that be with people in person, or seeking advice online, I presumed they knew better than I. I put down my own intuition and experience in favour of those who had never spent a day in my shoes. I truly believed they were right and that everything within me was inherently wrong.
It became an internal battle of debating the pros and cons and I could feel a wall of worry build up that action needed to be taken but I was stuck in analysis paralysis. Thinking, thinking, thinking.
Much has changed since those days. I took up a Buddhist practice, meditation and “The Work”, and with it more awareness now surrounds the stories whirling through the mind as it attempts to understand, and bring meaning to the world.
Bringing awareness to stressful thoughts allows me to see more clearly how I interact with the world through that belief. I’m not interested in changing how I behave so much as simply being aware of what’s going on, waking up to the dream.
If I put myself back in that past situation and just consider who I would be without the thought that “moving countries won’t solve my problems”, I am back to trusting the direction that I am headed, to trusting myself and noticing what feels intuitively “right” for me in that moment. I feel a little more confident that I can trust that the situation I am in is not serving me, not nourishing my growth or enabling a peaceful state of mind.
I don’t feel anxious about being judged by others for moving. Their judgement is only based on their perspective of my situation, of which they will never have the full story. Rather than being in the business of others, trying to work out if they approve of me or not and behaving in a way that I think will make my actions worthy of appraisal, I’m back in my business – the only place where I can ever feel peace and joy. I can choose to welcome other’s judgement of my actions as a point of self-reflection and, I can also use their judgement as a way of strengthening my own resolve and trust in my intuition. It’s very likely that someone judging another as “moving on and running away from their problems” is struggling with the same beliefs in their own life and is deserving of compassion as much as myself.
I don’t feel a fear of what comes next and there is no longer a weighing up on the pros and cons in an attempt to guess at the future and whether it will be a successful venture. Nor is there a fear of the move not working out – I feel more at ease moving to the beat and rhythm of life.
“Moving Country Will Solve Your Problems”
It’s worth turning around the original statement and seeing if it’s as true as, or truer than the original belief.
Feel free to take a pause here and see what examples come up for you where, “moving country will solve your problems”.
I can see that the situation I was in had worn me down – I was depressed, lonely and there was no spark of joy residing in my heart, I was leading a robotic, unaware life. Therefore, a change, a move to a new country could provide new opportunities, enabling me to discover what I’m truly interested in, it could open up the social pool to potentially connect with more like-minded people, as well as potentially leaving me feeling more connected to myself. Moving to a new country would most certainly lead to personal and spiritual growth, something that had actually stagnated in the situation I had been in.
Putting myself in a new environment could be like taking a stunted plant lacking in vitality and putting it in soil, rich in fertiliser and moving it out of the shade and into the sun. Sometimes all that’s needed is space, time and a fresh perspective.
Living a good, wholesome life does not mean one must remain in a fixed situation for a lifetime – it’s about being adaptable and learning to hear the voice of the heart, of intuition. As with all things, it becomes weaker with a lack of practice, yet with dedication one can start putting a little more trust into what life calls us to do. Perhaps first with judgement and then eventually, with enthusiasm, joy and a profound trust in life.
“You aren’t running away from your problems”
There is another turn around to investigate here for, “you are running away [from your problems]”. It can be turned around to, “you are running towards your problems”, or, “you aren’t running away from your problems”. I will leave that one for you to question and see what arises for you from inquiry.
If you do choose to take me up on the offer, just remember that you are investigating your own experiences and truth, not that of others.
Thank you for reading!
TheForceOfDao 
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